I am very lucky. I am fortunate to have a wonderful clientele, made up of folks from many different walks of life, but who are largely caring, interesting, delightful and courteous people. Occasionally there are little snafus or other issues, mostly from a lack of information (especially if it is a person’s first time seeing a lady in this capacity) and I wanted to write a post on how to keep your sex worker happy and in return have a more relaxed session with an escort who is genuinely stoked to be there and excited to have you as a client. Because of my background in pin-up photography and alt porn, the extremeness of my already unique look (as far as this biz goes anyways) as well as my very wordy, verbose ad (which is probably a little too long but does give a VERY good idea of the person I am and what you are getting) I attract people who are REALLY looking for a girl like me, physically, intellectually and emotionally. These things tend to ensure a higher percentage of my clients are people who I will be well matched with, but even so, sometimes there is a blunder that can sour the mood of the session or otherwise make me nervous and while I always try to be incredibly professional, if I feel safe and that the company is fun and interesting, I will really put in that extra effort. I also have the unique experience of being on the other side of the fence, as I have booked sessions with escorts myself as a couple with my partner. While different areas have different customs, and many of these tips are common sense for hiring a working girl anywhere in the US, this list applies specifically to California’s population of mid to high-end escorts who advertise online.

1. Choosing your escort. There are many wonderful, beautiful women to choose from (especially in the Bay Area in my humble opinion) and it is easy to get overwhelmed and choose the first ad you see with pictures of a gorgeous woman. Before you start browsing the ads, I suggest thinking about what you are looking for specifically, both your physical preferences, intellectual or emotional expectations and any limitations you might have. Read the entire ad and see if her vibe agrees with you. Are you very intelligent and looking for a girl who can keep up? I specifically mention my academic accomplishments and goals because I seek to attract this type of client. Are you looking for specific physical traits? Many escort advertising sites have search filters so you can check off that you want a girl with black hair, a certain type of body or who’s rates fall within a certain price and your results will only turn up girls in those categories. Lots of my clients find me by simply using the word search and entering “tattoos”. The word search is also helpful to those with specific kinks looking for a girl who is down for that kind of play.

I suggest looking for independent escorts with ads that are correctly spelled and have had a bit of effort put into them: photos that are taken in the bathroom mirror of a cheap hotel, unflushed toilet in the background, with a blurry phone-cam are not the mark of women who takes pride in her professionalism. Getting quality professional photos done or having a simple website made for you doesn’t require a lot of cost or organizational skills but sooo may girls forego it. In my experience, those who have put a lot of time and effort into making sure they have excellent quality ads up are the girls who are more likely to love what they do and take pride in providing an excellent service.

Browse her reviews if she has them and see if they are largely positive (don’t discount a girl with otherwise great reviews because of one bad post though… if the negative words are statistical outliers, keep in mind the client might have behaved badly and thus not got the experience he desired).

2. Ok, I’ve found the girl I am interested in. Now what? This section is so important because it is the first impression you leave on her. It is also the longest in this post, so bear with meL this shit matters! Reread her ad. All of it.

Make sure you pay attention. Don’t ask her for a half hour session if the ad states she has a one hour minimum. Don’t ask for a same day appointment if she is pre-book only and don’t think you’ll be the exception to any of her rules. This type of inappropriate request is incredibly frustrating and we deal with it every day.

Take note of her donation rate. You may not be able to afford her at the moment and there is a classy way to deal with this and a shitty way to deal with this. If your funds are lacking at the moment send her a polite email saying how interested you are in seeing her and that while your finances are currently lacking, you are saving up to get this special treat for yourself and would like to go through her screening process so that when you get that paycheck you need, booking will be quick and painless. When someone is this polite and is obviously putting extra effort into setting an amount of money aside to see me that they normally wouldn’t spend, I am incredibly flattered. I have been known to occasionally add some extra time onto a session or even give a small discount to someone who I really enjoy seeing and for whom a session with me is a special treat that they can rarely afford, but this ONLY happens if you don’t ask for it. Don’t haggle or request any special deal (few things will get your message deleted faster than sending a girl with a $450/hour donation rate the following “I am a HOTTT 28 year old with a big cock and you will have the ride of your life . Can you see me for $200/hour?” or the even more offensive “you’re only worth $___ and really, you should be paying me because I’ll fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”It is so rude to haggle (you wouldn’t do this to a lawyer or personal trainer would you?) and it is best not to mention donations at all as this type of discussion can be incriminating and is a type of talk that should be avoided it at all costs. Similarly, do not mention specific sex acts for the same reasons concerning legality. Dirty talk and vulgar requests will likely result in the swift termination of your conversation, so don’t ask “Do you give bbbjs?” or “can I fuck you in the ass?”. Best case scenario is we think you are clueless or just rude… worse yet, we will think you are the police. Remember, as escorts we are selling you our time, companionship, massage and personal modeling services because hoing is illegal… any intimate contact that map happen is at the spontaneous decision of the consenting adults involved and is in no way contracted for, so treat your correspondence as such. You may have specific questions about fetishes or special requests. Depending on how you word things, this is usually ok. Just be careful about your phrasing please. Also, just like hobbyists, sex workers have our own message boards and we also share information among our friends. If you act like a douche either online or in person, or worse yet, do something that makes us feel threatened or unsafe, you may suddenly find it more difficult to book in the area with a specific set of girls.

Most ladies will have very specific instructions for what information they need from you at first contact. Many girls use the phone to book appointments, but most that I know personally prefer email. For a phone call, have all the necessary info available at your fingertips and call from an unblocked number. If you have to leave a message, please indicate if you don’t want her to call you back on this line, or if there are specific times when calling is or isn’t acceptable. For email, include ALL requested info in your first message. It is a waste of of my time and yours to keep going back and forth with one line emails, trying over and over to clarify that you won’t be seen until you provide all the info.

I am so thrilled when I can tell someone has really paid attention to my ad when they email me, and has included their preferred method of reference and all important associated info. I require either a provider reference or a p411.com account. For those unaware, a pro-ref is another escort you have seen recently (generally no longer than 3-6 months prior) who can vouch that their experience with you was safe and pleasant. I require your reference have reviews (this is to make sure that neither you nor the your reference is really Law Enforcement hiding behind the misty curtain of the internet waiting to cause me problems when I show up to our ‘rendezvous.’ I require you to include her name, contact info, a link to her ad and how she will remember you (your name, phone number, when and where she saw you and a brief physical description is usually ideal). In a perfect world you will have checked with your previous sex worker to make sure she gives references at all and if so, how she would like to be contacted. The other form of reference I take is an account with p411.com P411 is a wonderful site that is SSL encrypted (like a bank) to provide screening services for those seeking discreet, upscale, adult companionship. I have had some people be wary of using this method (citing worries of identity theft etc.) but I have a large percentage of my clients, including several very intelligent computer security and programming professionals, who have switched over to this service and love it, as do I. A P411 Client Id is made up of small bits of “real” info that can be verified, by looking at a couple of pieces of identification carried in the client’s wallet.

Example:
John-01-a-0000
“John” is a name showing on his driver’s license.
“01″ is the DAY of birth showing on his driver’s license.
“0000″ are the last four digits on something he carries in his wallet (insurance card, library card, etc.)

This way, a girl can be shown that information at the meeting to ensure the client is the same person who contacted her. If anything awful happens, like physical or sexual violence, there is a professional, third-party service who has his personal information which is a strong deterrent for those who might not have the best intentions. In addition to this, once a client with a p411.com account has seen a girl, she can then go online and give him an “OK” which works just like a provider reference, except that it can be immediately verified, unlink a regular pro-ref which can take hours to days for a response. P411 is particularly helpful for those who don’t like to book their appointments until the day of.

Let her know a bit about yourself. Who are you ? what are you about? What are you looking for? Let me know if, for example, you are a single guy in your mid 40′s who lives in Brooklyn and works in the top shelf libations industry and that you would like to book a 3 hour dinner date appointment while you are in town for a barchef competition on ____ date at the ___ Hotel where you are staying.(on a small tangent: most escorts I know will only see clients at hotels that are of a certain caliber;for me its three stars at minimum) Knowing what to expect is really helpful and makes sure I am prepared. Let me know if you want me to wear a specific outfit or type of lingerie. Don’t want me to wear makeup or fragrance? Tell me! If we are having a dinner date, would you like me to make reservations and act as concierge, or do you prefer to take care of this? Let me know!

Most girls will get back to you fairly quickly, but some take a bit longer. I tend to check my email three or four times a week to deal with new clients. Those who have already passed my screening requirements gain access to my phone number and are then able to call to request appointments that they want to happen in a more urgent time frame.

3. So I’ve made contact, my appointment is set up, anything I should know? If you are dealing with me, if you have scheduled your appointment several days in advance I will either call or email you (depending on your preference) to confirm the day before or morning of our planned session. If you should need to cancel, please do so as soon as possible. Shit happens and sometimes we aren’t able to keep our appointments, regardless of what kind of service we are purchasing or providing, but like anyone else, I have a personal life. It is just as shitty to stand me up or cancel a half hour before our session as it would be for any other independent business person who could have scheduled a different client in your time slot or taken care of something else had you informed us the day before. If you want to book the girl again after you have cancelled at the last minute or, worse yet -stood her up-, it is a great idea to give her some kind of cancellation fee. Unlike restaurants who might take a credit card for a large party reservation and charge a percentage of the meal for a each person who rescinds on their plans at the last moment, this obviously isn’t something that can be enforced in our business without taking a deposit (which I only do for appointments that require significant travel or extended) If you are apologetic and hand over a quarter of what her total donation for the appointment would be she is much liklier to be understand and let you book her in the future.

Don’t brush or floss your teeth right before your appointment (this can cause tears in your gums and cause them to bleed which can increase your risk of picking up an STI or spreading one of your own). Brush the morning of your appointment, don’t eat anything heavily seasoned with garlic or onions and then thoroughly rinse your mouth out with mouthwash and pop a piece of gum so you are minty fresh without potentially compromising your safety or that of your sex worker. Do you manscape, mowing your pubic region down to a perfectly manicured ? If so, do it the day before. The last thing you want is a new nick on your junk before you get down and dirty with any new partner. If you have course facial hair and are clean-shaven, please shave your face if you plan on eaten’ some pussy, but understand that if you have nicked yourself that will make dining at the Y a no-no. If you are bad at shaving and think that this will be an issue, do it the day before instead when you are tending to your nether regions.

Take a thorough shower shortly before your appointment. I encourage you to really pay attention to the cleansing of your balls and b-hole. Use a washcloth. Most men remember to clean the most obvious part of their private anatomy, but it is an unpleasant surprise to discover there hasn’t been appropriate attention paid to the backside and I guarantee you that the oral attention you receive will be given with a vastly higher degree of spirit and enthusiasm if your girl isn’t catching whiffs of the shit you took earlier.

If you and your sex worker are going on a dinner date and it is at the kind of restaurant where there is a set tasting menu and no other options, check with her regarding food allergies so you can let the restaurant know in advance. I am very fond of fine dining and have made a point to mention this in my ad. Because of this, I get taken to a lot of great restaurants of this type because the client knows I am comfortable in this setting and will not embarrass them. Making sure your sex worker will feel comfortable or has experience with the kind of event or place will ensure you have a good experience. When I’ve had a client check about my allergies, it really is a level of courtesy I take note of.

4. My appointment is in a few hours. Anything I should take care of? Yes! Glad you asked. Make sure your hotel or apartment is clean. Put your donation in an unsealed envelope (ideally in large, easy to count bills) on the coffee table or other easily viewable area. When she arrives, excuse yourself from the room for a few moments so she has time to check the amount. If your reference was a p411 account, show her the information that makes up your site handle.

5. The actual appointment. Even if you aren’t meeting up for a public drink or a dinner date before heading to your more private rendezvous, it goes a long way to sit down with for a few minutes of getting to know one another with a beverage (I would suggest asking her if she drinks alcohol if that is what you plan to serve and if not, make sure you have something she will enjoy; ALWAYS open the bottle in front of her because any smart hooker will not take a drink she hasn’t seen being poured or made in order to avoid being roofied, etc.). Spending a few moments just enjoying some small talk will put you both at ease. I know it can be nerve-racking to have a beautiful, unfamiliar women in your space, particularly with the anticipation of what’s to come, but take a deep breath and relax. As long as you are polite and kind and have taken care to follow any instructions on her ad, you should be fine. Now is a good time to tell her if you have specific fantasies you are interested in or fond of something you weren’t able to discuss during your phone call or in emails.

Remember: an escort is being compensated with a donation for her time, personal modeling services, massage etc and intimate contact is something that happens between consenting adults, and is NOT contracted for. Because that would be illegal, ya know.

Don’t try to negotiate for services she doesn’t offer. Even if a review says she offers a bare back blow job, this might not be true. Some girls offer uncovered blow jobs, other don’t. Some girls do anal, other’s won’t etc. NEVER ask for bare back full service or anal. Any sex worker who has even the slightest bit of self-respect and professionalism will  be horrified and leave. I don’t want clients that aren’t concerned with their own safety or mine. If a girl is willing to provide uncovered full service or anal, run for the hills. Think of how many others she may have offered this service to before you. Most sex workers I know practice significantly safer sex in their professional and personal lives than almost any ‘civilian’. Please let your sex worker know if you have an STI so she can decide whether she is comfortable seeing you, if appropriate steps can me made to practice safe sex without risk of transmission or if she needs to reschedule (like if you have a cold sore in your mouth etc.). Be honest. No good sex worker will shame you about this and will probably give you a lot of props for your honesty and commitment to practicing safer sex.

Most girls will bring their own condoms in many sizes and styles so she will probably have something you are comfortable with, but if you have very specific allergies please let your sex worker know. If you NEED a certain kind of condom, tell her, or have your brand available at the session in a sealed box.

Give your sex worker feedback. She wants you to have the best experience possible so you will book with her again! Tell her if you prefer a different speed, pressure, position etc.

Have fun! I hope these tips will ensure that you and your sex worker have a wonderful time together. If she has provided above and beyond service, a tip goes a long way. I remember those who have tipped in ANY service industry I’ve worked in. Even if it only an extra $20, the thought counts a lot.

A.Q. 1085 Mission St. 415.341.9000

Michelin Stars: Lots of folks predicted they’d get one star this year, but it did not come to pass.

Cuisine: “Inventive combinations with Mediterranean flavors using cutting edge cooking techniques and the seasonal bounty of California” (quoted from their website)

$: Tasting menu of aprox 7 courses ($75) plus an a la carte menu (entrees $26-34). We spent roughly $300 for two people.

My Rating: 6/10

Firstly, a little bit about this spot. This place is located in an oft forgotten about (or else widely shit talked and avoided) stretch of Mission st. between stinky 6th st and 7th. While this block is a little quieter than 6th between Market and Mission, if you feel uncomfortable with feces-scented and piss soaked, mentally ill, homeless people bum rushing you and glassy eyed crack heads asking for a dollar, you might want to take a cab and be dropped off in front of the restaurant, particularly if you are worried about your vehicle or any belongings in it (that you should put in your trunk). Luckily (or wait, maybe not), I used to live in an art gallery around the corner and my everyday vehicle is a well loved and well worn pick up truck. No worries there! This restaurant is in a converted urban industrial type space with exposed brick walls and high ceilings. They change the decor of the restaurant seasonally with the menu to make it look like the current time of th year. Sometimes it looks ok, other times it looks kind of like a kids play at an artsy montesorri school with wreathes and barren branches. I am rather fond of their lighting, however. Over each of the tables against one of the walls is a great lamp that projects from the wall and then hangs over the table, which I enjoy as it gives a good light source for taking food pictures. There are also some over heads that look a bit like the whisk attachment on a cuisinart mixer. There is a full bar stocked with a good variety of decent to higher end spirits as well as a chef’s counter, which is my favorite place to sit as you really get to see all the plating and cooking going on, as well as get to talk to those actually doing the cooking.

I’ve eaten here three times now, with wildly different results. The meal that I am writing about specifically was pretty good but did have a few significant low points, but I’ll give you a brief overview of each meal. I came here late last winter or early spring with J after we had waited been waiting at Flour and Water for over an hour when hunger made us give in to find another spot. Another couple in line at F +W suggested this spot so we headed over, a little tired and grumpy at this point, and positively ravished. We had kind of a weird experience with the staff who were just kind of snotty and obnoxious to deal with (you know, the kind of staff that make you feel like its a huge pain in the ass to do their own job) first of all, and the food was all over the place. I had a seafood tortelloni that made me really ill about an hour after I ate it. I should have sent it back after smelling it because the aroma and taste was very fishy, and not in a good way. I only ate a few bites. I also got a venison tartare which I enjoyed but wasn’t bowled over by and J got a fine, but kind of blah, whatever roast chicken. It was kind of dry too. We were disappointed enough that we passed on dessert which is very rare for me.

D and I came here on our second date. When he asked me to meet him here, I was apprehensive but I know he has good taste so I agreed. He knew some folks that worked here and one of the owners was eating right next to us at the bar. We had great service, got to try some stuff that wasn’t on the menu and the food was all pretty decent. I don’t remember anything specific that we ate except for a good but not amazing john dory with black truffles.

Last night JR and I had a late reservation but we were feeling a bit peckish so we headed over early. There were seats at the chef’s counter so we sat there, which is always more interesting than a table for me. We had a really pleasant interaction with the chef, Mark Liberman, who actually remembered me from the last time I ate there, which was nice. With the exception of one waiter who made a snide comment about me taking notes and who forgot to bring JR his second glass of wine, the service was really great and I really enjoyed being able to talk to the chef, who ended up sending out a couple things not on the menu (that were super delicious). As for the food, it was a bit of mixed bag again, but for the first time that I have come here, the good things were truly excellent and I will remember them fondly.

[grapefruit with sesame seeds, avocado and parsnip milk] This was kind of a fail from my point of view. It would have been much better I think with a different, slightly sweeter citrus fruit to balance it out. Everything just tasted really bitter, other than the avocado, which was, again, overwhelmed by said bitterness.

[cured beef carpaccio with fleur de sel citrus tossed greens] Firstly, I didn’t write this down from the menu, so this is just what I think it was, so sorry if I fucked up the description. Tasty. Pretty much exactly like you’d think it would be.

[oyster with kiwi and basil seeds] This was very tasty. One excellent bite with the oyster lending a great brininess that was well balanced by the acidity and sweetness of the fruit and I liked how the oysters texture mixed with the kiwi seeds. The basil seeds were interesting (I really like basil seeds and put them in rosewater drinks all the time) and it was need that they were kind of mid point between the two textures: they have the slight gritty crunch of the kiwi seeds but surrounded by a thin layer of membranous jelly a bit like the oyster.

[pork chicharron with lime cotton candy] I will dream of this. I don’t understand why, but I don’t usually like chicharrones (crazy right? I should LOVE fried pork skin). It was simple, but so good. The crackling wasn’t too greasy and was seasoned really nicely and with the lime cotton candy: WOW! The crunch with the ever so slightly greasy film (I know that sounds bad, but it was awesome) hitting your tongue and then the cotton candy melting in to release the tartness of the citrus and finally a perfect, slow, warm heat from the spices. I definitely hope to eat this again.

[artichokes with coriander, button mushrooms and roasted flavors] This was the worst dish of the night. It was pretty bad. I kept taking another bite hoping I would get something I was missing and it was just grosser and grosser.The artichokes which tasted kind of pickled reminded me of eating canned vegetables as a kid. The coriander made the texture all off. Everything else was kind of mushy and then crunch: like finding gravel in your oatmeal. None of the flavors or textures came together in any way and JR and I were both left confused as to what was supposed to be going on here.

[Gargnelli... sorry for the description, I wasn't able to find any more about this one... it was pasta in creamy sauce]. This had really good flavor, nice and creamy but maybe a tad bit over salted. The pasta needed to be cooked a bit more. This was definitely a little too al dente, a little past the border of undercooked.

[molasses glazed venison loin with savory granola and leek] Awesome. The protein was cooked perfectly and everything just came together really nicely, both textures and flavors. The leek was cooked until it just was melting in your mouth and the granola provided a nice crunchy contrast (and luckily this time the juxtaposition worked and it wasn’t like there was gravel in your granola, it was like there was something tasty in your tastiness.

[potato and rhubarb with black truffle] The chef sent this out to us, though it wasn’t on the menu and we loved it. I don’t normally think of the tart fruitiness of something like roasted rhubarb going well with truffles, but the earthiness with the sweetness was a delicious- if slightly unexpected- pairing and of course the potato was an excellent vehicle for this amuse. The only things I would have changed were that I wouldn’t have garnished it with anise or fennel or whatever licorice tasting plant that came on the top (almost EVERY dish came with this as a garnish, it was a little weird and we had already been picking it off our dishes) and I might have used a potato that was slightly more ‘waxy’ and glutinous as this was had a little bit of a mealy flavor.

[pork belly with abalone and preserved citrus] This was one of the two best pork belly dishes I have ever had, the other being the miso butterscotch pork belly at now closed Tailor in NY. Pork belly is supposed to melt in your mouth, but when all it is is a gelatinous blob of fat, it is fucking gross. This was amazing. It was just the right amount of browned, caramelized crunchiness on the outside and equal parts melty, delicious fat and meatiness on the inside. The acidic, citrusy sweetness was the perfect mate for it and cut through the fattiness making each bite one to savor. The abalone was superfluous. It wasn’t cooked nearly as well as the abalone at Coi or Saison and was too chewy and added nothing to the dish. Otherwise, go eat this.

[rye and grains porridge with egg yolk, brassicas and black truffle] This was also very good. The charred brassica, the porridge and the richness of the truffle came together and mixed with the creamy egg yolk made me ‘mmmmm’. Like most dishes tonight, I found one little thing to be nit picky about: there was one brassica that wasn’t cooked unlink the rest and when I bit into it, it released a really bitter flavor that kind of ruined the last few bites.

[lamb with sweet potato] This was all around excellent. The lamb was cooked perfectly, nice and pink in the middle (there’s nothing worse than overcooked lamb..except maybe overcooked duck right?!) and I loved the sweet potatoes. We starting to feel really full (the waiters kept making jokes about how much we’d eaten but it seemed pretty normal to me… maybe I eat too many 15-20 course dinners). One server also brought over a really great glass of wine that he wanted us to have with the lamb. It was a chateau Peyros Madigen 2010. A tanat-cab-sauv blend. Lovely, earthy, rich… great with the lamb.

Sorry. I just realized I was too full and too tipsy and forgot to take a photo of this course. Oops!

[jasmine, white chocolate, kiwi, menthol and spearmint]

There was another dessert that was kind of bad. We only ate one bite each. Cakey and dry. JR liked it better than I did but described it as merely “ok”.

One the way home we talked about the inconsistent trajectory of the meal. There were many ups and downs between the three times I’ve been here, both with food and service. There were some wonderful dishes, but there were also several bad and unfortunate flops and all the rest of the dishes were fine but almost everything had something about it I thought would have been better changed (such as not garnishing every plate with anise or whatever licorice-y plant they used, and the unnecessary abalone with the pork belly dish etc). The meals just had some little flaws and kinks that one would expect from a restaurant that was recently opened and still finding their groove but AQ has been open for two years plus now and still experiencing these little hiccups. The bar program here is obviously good, though not tailored to my personal liking (I am one of those bitches that likes overly precious, spritzy, citrusy-floral drinks) and I think anyone who is into cocktails that are a on the stronger and more savory sides, or even just the classics would be very happy boozing here. I know I say this a lot, but I will go back and try the spring or summer menu to see if the experience is better. Overall, this last meal was good, but not good enough that I will be soaking me panties trying to come back and eat here again tomorrow.

I despise getting up early. I am a woman who really loves my sleep and as a ho, I end up having a lot of late nights (and even when my job doesn’t have me leaving the Intercontinental at three a.m. I am often up anyways, drawing and cooking) and frequently sleep in until roughly one in the afternoon (sometimes til 3 or 4 even). I currently reside on the east side of the bridge and for the past several years I have relied heavily on one place to get my engine going on those dreadful mornings where I have to be somewhere before I’ve gotten quite enough damn beauty sleep: Cafe Fanny, the small, order at the counter morning and afternoon grub spot Alice Waters named for her daughter as well as the heroine in the 30′s Marcel Pagnol movies. I had actually been going here since I was teensy when my mom’s friends would take me after lettings the dogs run around at Point Isabelle on Sundays, but in more recent years a cappuccino, pastries and their smoked salmon with pickled onions had been a ritual partook in at least thrice weekly for many moons now for both myself and one of my partners. For him, it was his unofficial office where many busy meetings were held over poached eggs and prosciutto on ACME. It really was lovely to get your meal (usually quite quickly, though it did involve being in close proximity to THOSE Berkeley people… you know who I’m talking about), and pick up a loaf of levain at ACME and a little something to drink with dinner at Kermit Lynch. Curse the sad and somber day last March when J came reeling and moaning into the house at an ungodly hour last year nearly in hysterics to tell me to get my lazy as out of bed because Fanny was closing TODAY. They only gave 24 hours notice. We’ve been mourning the loss ever since, slowly trying to move on. On the rare occasion we find ourselves driving past on our way to Tokyo Fish Market, J will stare forward stoically  and I’ll wistfully touch my fingers to the window and follow the space that once held our favorite breakfast place until its passed from the edges of my vision.

So now we’ve been searching for a new place to call home during those grouchy early mornings of mine (when J is undoubtably already up, showered, gotten some work done, walked and fed the beasts and maybe even gotten in a few chapters of the book he’s currently devouring). Unfortunately most of the places we’ve really enjoyed have some pitfalls: They are either located in SF, open only on Saturday and Sundays or are accompanied by a multi-hour wait. Here is a list of some of the spots me and my bevy of lovely boyfriends have been trying. Let me know if you have some other suggestions! Definitely want to try Outerlands…

Blue Bottle Coffee (300 Webster St. Oakland). Once upon a time, BB was a one man roastery in the back of a mexican restaurant owned by the same folks who as the place I was working at. It is owned by a really nice guy that used to train us all to make the coffee the way it should be and I can say he is absolutely passionate and dedicated to his craft. Unfortunately, sometimes with expansion, the quality of a business can’t be maintained the way we wish it would. J gets coffee here a lot now that Fanny isn’t an option but it has never been an experience we feel that strongly about. Particularly the pastries, which are not very good. This is disappointing because they the pastry chef for BB is the owner’s wife who I KNOW can make damn good treats for consumption because she used to be the co-owner of Miette. The BB at the SF MoMA is better, as it is the only one that has really good and special desserts and pastries, made so much cooler by the fact that they are based off works of art in the museum. Her “Wayne Theibaud Cake” is my favorite, but the “build your own Richard Serra” cookies are clever and there was once an incredible cardamom, lavender and white hot chocolate with gold leafed marshmallow inspired by the Michael Jackson and Bubbles sculpture by Jeff Koons. As for the one in Oakland? I haven’t found anything enjoyable to eat. The only thing that keeps us coming back is how much fun it is to let our mastiff menace the rabid pro-life fuckfaces frequently doing a lot of menacing themselves (of women with appointments at Kaiser’s offsite women’s health facility, which is across the street). This is especially delightful because our pup is sweet as pie to everyone else. I don’t know if he can just sense how foul we find shitty middle age men thrusting signs with aborted fetuses on them (and forcing their unknowing pre-school aged children to do the same) and screaming “murderer” at women about to go through what is probably an emotionally difficult and physically uncomfortable or possibly even dangerous medical procedure or if he just doesn’t like the loud voices and signs, but he will growl and lunge at them, and it makes my fucking day.

winnie hates pro lifers but loves La Farine’s hot cross buns.

Mavericks (3316 17th St. SF). The lobster bread pudding eggs benedict is possible the best breakfast I’ve eaten in SF. Two mouthwatering rounds of savory bread pudding about the size of english muffins filled with a generous amount of sweet, succulent, tender and perfectly cooked lobster topped with a just as well cooked egg and a silken hollandaise sauce, rich, buttery and tangy at the same time, the way it should always be but all too often isn’t. The cream puffs were delightful too. The chocolate was my favorite, but the vanilla and huckleberry were yummy too. One time JR had the duck hash and thought it was decent as well, but the LBP is where all loyalties lay. My only beef with this spot is that it only does breakfast/brunch on the the weekends. It can be a little packed, but we’ve had good luck sneaking in right before they stop seating at 3. My favorite breakfast spot in SF as of late and it gets bonus points for having a morning appropriate seafood option to fill the void left by Fanny and their wonderful smoked salmon plate. Beware the smoked blood orange mimosa which did not taste good at all.

Craftsman and Wolves (746 Valencia, SF). Wow. This place is awesome, even if it’s a bit pricy. I just came here for the first time and I am a little crestfallen I didn’t figure out it existed sooner, because I could have been cramming my face with sugary goodness for months now. This place is eccentric in the way I like. I definitely enjoy the flavor combinations not to be found at your average bakery. I love their blood orange marmalade with chocolate nibs and if work has me in SF until the week hours of the morn, I try to swing by for one of the “rebel within’ pastries, which is a little steep at $7 but is, for me, the perfect breakfast on the go (it can be a bit messy but I’ve gotten the hang of it, and being a total klutz, I imagine you can too). I guess its a muffin or maybe a muffiny scone but its savory and has a usually excellently cooked soft, egg with a delicious, oozy-gooey orange yolk that nicely soaks into the rest of it once broken. I don’t love the space in here, but I do love the friendly staff and tasty goodness, especially the lavender ricotta cookie thingys (very specific we are here at the hungry hooker) and the thai coconut and kaffir lime scones.

Aunt Mary’s (4307 Telegraph Ave. Oakland). A kind of hipster neighborhood cafe in the Temescal. I prefer to go here on the weekends even though its usually packed because its the only time they have the Pain Perdue baked in a whisky laced custard. I like the shrimp and grits bowl too but they need ALOT more shrimp in it or less grits. The first third tastes great but then I am sad my shrimp are gone and I still have a massive portion of rapidly cooking sticky-fying grits. This place also has patio seating which is great for those with pups!

La Note (2377 Shattuck Ave. Berkeley) This spot has been around a long time and luckily, is still pretty damn good. Its a french spot, very charming and looks very ‘Provence-y’ with tons of warm yellow and blue patterned stuff everywhere and damn good food. I suggest the pain perdue with lavender honey (available every day, unlike Aunt Mary’s version) and the Cote Nord which is levain toast covered in soft scrambled eggs made with cream cheese or chèvre (I like the former) and damn good grilled tomatoes with a side of some of the only home fries I’ve ever like (big roasted cloves of garlic and generously spiced with butter crisped sage etc. mmmm mmmm). This place is always packed and super loud and the tables are about two inches apart, so if you aren’t feeling good about humanity in general, you might want to avoid. In the summer they have a beautiful back patio that they open up for dining. Its in a nice garden, tucked away from the street, and again, great for those with pups, and the portions are pretty decent for the price. also, the have tasty specials like ratatouille.

The Pretty Lady (1733 Peralta, Oakland). This place isn’t really good, food wise, but its charming. If you want a cheap, fairly fast, mediocre diner breakfast served by the world’s sweetest old Asian grandma who doles out fist bumps and where you can usually gaze dreamily upon cute punk boy (or girl) eye candy, this is a good spot to do so.

Coi. 373 Broadway San Francisco, CA. 415.393.9000

Michelin Stars: 2

Cuisine: New American married to Californian. Mostly vegetarian.

$: 11 courses/$165 ($105 for pairings). MANDATORY 18% service charge.

My rating: 4/10

One sentence summary: A gorgeous looking space with a sexy, woodsy minimalist vibe run by competent waitstaff (unpleasant and awkward on the first visit, friendly and polite on the second) serving a highly overpriced, disappointing and lackluster menu comprised almost entirely of vegetables with lots of citrusy acidic qualities where each item reminded me all too much of the last… and the one before that and the one before that. BOO!

Coi has been around for several years now but I have only eaten here twice. The chef, Daniel Patterson is described on their website as having a deep reverence and a great aptitude for showcasing seasonal and local ingredients in interesting ways and combining them with a “well educated, highly refined approach to cooking”. Even though I base my post on a restaurant about a specific night, before I review a place I like to try it a few times so I can get a sense of whether the meal I am writing about is typical for the place.  I was here in late December and the menu and food was pretty much (nothing awful, but very underwhelming none the less) the same but I had a very poor experience with the service. Coi is in North Beach, SF’s ‘Little Italy’, on Broadway, only a block where its at its most happening, with roughly ten strip joints and titty bars as well as several other nightclubs. Being in the sex industry myself, I would normally delight in the close proximity of class and lowbrow and go make it rain on them hos after enjoying my tasting menu, but being in an area with a poppin’ night life makes it very difficult to park in the area, particularly on a weekend evening. Now, Coi does have valet and it is pretty reasonably priced ($8 compared to $18 at similar restaurants), but it doesn’t mean they will take your car. I drive something of a specialty vehicle, my baby being a 60′s dodge convertible with a neat little push button transmission. I specifically called ahead to make sure the valet dude would be able to park my car, which I was assured three times would be absolutely fine, however when I showed up, the valet attendant was kind of snippy and said their was no way he was going to park my car and I would have to find somewhere else to leave it. I was pretty irritated, but went and managed to find a lot that wasn’t full yet down the block and that had attendants to watch the vehicles (otherwise I would have enjoyed my meal even less than I did as I would have been worrying about the car the whole time… I know it seems silly, but she is reeeaaal purty and I fret about possible mishaps to her gorgeous paint job). I walked the block to the restaurant to find my date waiting for me outside.

My date happened to be both a friend and client, a gorgeous, tall, tattooed guy in his 30′s with a backpack slung over his shoulder and a fashion sense that suggests burning man more than haute cuisine, but he was by no means dressed shabbily. I was looking fairly casual as well in tight black jeans, a striped t and oxfords, but still, SF isn’t a super fancy city and I have never had a problem eating out dressed in my normal attire. Sometimes open table  and a restaurant’s own reservation software don’t sync up properly for a same day res and the restaurant, who said they didn’t see my name on their computer asked my date to wait outside for me. I wasn’t there for this interaction but he said they made him feel fairly uncomfortable. When we walked in together we waited almost five minutes before anyone came and talked to us and when I gave my name they said I must be mistaken and that I didn’t have a reservation. After a few minutes of insisting and finally showing them my email with the opentable.com confirmation, they showed us to our table. This may have been a simple misunderstanding, but I felt very uncomfortable throughout the whole meal and I really think it had to do with our appearances. I have never before or since eaten at a restaurant this nice that has  made me feel like they thought we wouldn’t have the money to pay or that we might dine and dash. It was just awkward and its a pretty shitty feeling to be judged when you’re throwing down five hundred bucks on a meal before the alcohol. Luckily when I was dining there alone last night, the service was much improved (I drove my everyday car so the valet, who was a different and MUCH nicer guy this time, could fucking park it and I wore heels with some nice jewelry etc. to see if it would make a difference in the way I was treated).

Coi is an absolutely gorgeous restaurant. I would go as far as to say it is my personal favorite in the area as far as ambiance goes. There are two dining rooms, the first of which is a little darker and sexier, with lots of deep, wood accents, dark walls and very comfortable chairs on one side of the table with an even better bench along the wall side with big, fluffy pillows. I’ve heard some folks complaint that it feels like a waiting area since it is directly after walking in the front door, whereas the larger seating area is a bit removed. Trios of tea lights flicker softly on each table. The other room is very nice too, a little brighter with the feeling of being inside a pretty, Japanese paper lantern. The service this time was fine. Not amazing but by no means bad.

1. The dinner started off with what they called the ‘california bowl’ which included lightly salted, crispy rice crackers and a whipped avocado mousse. The chips were good, but the avocado was really disappointing. It just tasted like pureed avocado and the whole thing just really seemed like it should have been served at a funky sushi restaurant (the kind that would project anime cartoons on the walls and have big, ostentatious tropical flower arrangements) as a ‘chips and dip’ kind of thing in place of edamame. This was just boring.

2. Earth and Sea. This was tofu coagulated in seawater with smoked trout roe and oxalis flowers (sour grass has ben a popular ingredient in SF fine dining lately, hasn’t it folks). While I liked the smoked trout roe, much like the last dish this set the tone of the whole evening to come: not terrible, but not delicious or exciting at all… just kind of boring.

3. Beets marinated with native spices, wild herbs and meyer lemon. If you just added a sprinkle of goat cheese and some spinach this could be found at just about any little cafe in SF. The meyer lemon was a nice touch, and I wouldn’t be mad if I ate this at a coffee shop or  cheap little neighborhood spot but my overwhelming thought was “I can’t believe I am going to pay $165 plus mandatory 18% service charge for THIS”. This was also served at the same time as a whole grain pain au laid (milk bread) which was pretty good (but a mere shadow of Saison’s milk bread) and came with house cured butter. I usually like coarse grained salt, but I wish the fleur de sel they served with this to sprinkle on the bread and butter had been a bit finer as it was difficult to season the bread without overdoing it.

4.Inverted fromage blanc tart with fennel and wheatgrass. I actually thought this was pretty unappetizing. While I am not a huge fan of the use of wheat grass juice in fine dining pretty much ever, there are definitely people doing it WAY better (Chef Crenn for example has a lovely oyster with elderflower gelee and wheatgrass juice). The gritty grain cracker used as the ‘tart shell’ was unpleasant (again, a cracker with a similar idea behind it was served with I believe the grains dish at Crenn and was very tasty unlike this one), as was the cheese. In my notes I wrote “bad” with two underlines.

5. Dungeness crab soup with roots, preserved blood lime and black tea. Last time I was here this was one of my favorite dishes, mostly because of the texture of the blood lime which I mistook for tobiko roe having never had it before. It is really cool and pops pleasantly in your mouth in the same way, with the bright clean, acidic taste of lime but also a little something else. I was very disappointed this time to not get any of that texture. Not sure what happened, because it tasted of the lime, but the mouthfeel is what really won me over the last time. The crab meat was very sweet and fresh. This was solid, but it wasn’t rocket ship to the moon good (especially compared to this week’s earlier dinners at Saison and Atelier Crenn). I would have been really stoked if I had gotten this soup with some udon noodles in it at an upscale Japanese noodle place like O Chamé in Berkeley, but I just felt like it should have been better here. Maybe my expectation for this place were too high after hearing such great things about it for so many years and having it grouped in with or called a precursor to my fave spots around here.

6. Brassicas with charred onion broth and new olive oil from Mcevoy. This is the first thing I was stoked on. Unfortunately (I am beginning to feel like a broken record over here) it paled in comparison to the Brassicas dish at Saison.

7. Young carrots roasted in hay with radish and pecorino. The carrots were incredibly tender and sweet. I definitely appreciated the quality of the vegetables and this dish did taste good, but I felt similarly about this to the other dishes: could have been worse, should have been better. At least the menu is pretty healthy. I knew I wasn’t going to leave being chauffered home in a wheelbarrow.

8.Monterey Bay Abalone with grains, fresh seaweeds, squid ink, turnip and what the server described as an ancient Roman fish sauce. Finally, a dish I can be excited about! The abalone was cooked perfectly (that’s twice in one week for me, who usually prefers it raw)tender and fresh with that intoxicating taste of the sea. The sauce and squid ink had a beautiful, bright, citrusy acidity to it and when no one was looking I ran my finger around the plate to get the rest of the sauce, wishing I had some more bread. I would be pretty happy to be eating some more of this. At this point in time I would also like to favorably point out that this dish was pretty good sized in comparison to the tasting menu portions at other similar restaurants. I had four good sized bites of abalone.

9. Salsify with black trumpet mushrooms, lichen and wood sorrel. Unfortunately I didn’t take a photo of this, but it was very good. Creamy, mild and delicious with a really pleasant lingering flavor. It isn’t listed on the menu but I believe i remember this having some kind of rich, dairy product as a bed for the salsify which really made the dish for me. It might not be  super exciting, but I would be happy to eat this dish often.

10.Grass-fed veal with chicories, caper berry and seville orange. This was very tasty and, other than the abalone, was the best dish of the night in my humble opinion. It was also the largest main course I’ve had at many hour, multi-course tasting menu dinners in SF (while I found the beef main at Saison and the squab at Atelier Crenn highly preferable in taste, I do wish they had been larger; this veal was easily 2-3x the size of the mains at those restaurants). The veal was seasoned well, cooked impeccably and I enjoyed the orange sauce and tart burst of the berries. It reminds me a lot of a veal chop dish with balsamic orange sauce my mom used to make as a kid, though this version was done better, with the protein being amazingly buttery to the point where my teeth just glided through it was hardly any pressure.

11. Frozen lime marshmallow with coal toasted meringue. I thought the meringue was tasty and the lime was fine. A cool combination but nothing overly awesome. Almost a little too sugary.

12. Oro blanco with buttermilk-ginger sorber and epazote. By this point in the meal I was just feeling really disappointed. This was just like everything else. Not terrible, not great. Pretty mediocre and the ginger was a bit too strong for my taste.

13. Spice Cake with date and sesame. Copy and paste exactly what I said about that last dessert.

14. Mignardise. One frozen chocolate truffle. I personally did’t like this since I don’t enjoy bitter, dark cocao but I think a chocolate lover would have thought this was really tasty. I liked that it was frozen.

The servers asked me how I felt about the meal and I was honest. It was ok. It wasn’t awful (like Rich Table where neither my date nor I could eat more than a bite because everything was so bad) but there were only a few items that were really good, and even those generally had much more interesting counter-parts at restaurants of the same type and value elsewhere in the city. I will probably try this place one more time once the winter menu is over, since I’d like to see if this just happened to be a fluke these past few months, but I am a little sad to say I don’t think it will be. I used to hear about Coi all the time in a positive manner, but now the things I hear aren’t terrible good. I was at a nicely curated grower champagne dinner elsewhere in the city with a bunch of other people who are similarly enamored of food and there were three or four others who, when asked about Coi, said it had kind of fallen off and that they hadn’t been there in a few years because there were just so many better choices for the same cost or even less. I really wish I had gotten to try this place while it was still in its hey day, but according to many people I missed the boat. I’ll give it another go in a few months and let you know if things have improved.

Saison. 178 Townsend St. San Francisco. 415.828.7990

Michelin Stars: 2

Cuisine: New American

$: Twenty Courses/ $248 ($148 for pairings)

My rating: 9/10

One Sentence Summary: An incredible meal of twenty courses where each dish was more luxurious and delicious than the last, paired with excellently curated wines and served by a waitstaff as friendly and warm as they are knowledgeable and efficient in a beautiful dining space with open kitchen; The meal was expensive but I felt that every penny was well spent.

Hey guys. Thanks for checking out my blog. First up, I want to apologize for the size of the photos. In the future I will make sure they are larger so you can get a better look at the food, and I will otherwise try to improve my food photo skills!

The first time I had the pleasure of eating at Saison was roughly eight months ago. I  had wanted to try it for a while and finally when a client booked me for a dinner date and asked me to pick the place, my wish was granted. It was early, around six, and when I was seated only one other table had arrived. Sitting across the room aways was a devastatingly beautiful blaxican twink with cheekbones to die for and perfectly oiled ringlets of hair dressed in the softest looking knee high leather riding boots and cashmere turtleneck with a delicate locket. He was probably a bit younger than I am and he and his date, with whom he was obviously romantically involved, an equally well dressed man in his late 60′s to early 70′s bedecked in a very posh watch and cuff links, were having a ball. Once in a blue moon I’ll see someone out to a great dinner on a work date (to be fair, it is possible they were ‘real-life’ dating, but like some people develop their ‘gay-dar’, other’s hone our ‘ho-dar’) and it brings me a lot of joy. So often us sex workers are thought of as victims suffering through a job we are forced into, and while I don’t deny that there are trafficked people in this world or sex workers who don’t love what they do, it is my personal experience that there are many of us that genuinely love it and who derive a great deal of pleasure from our profession. Its such a joy to share a fabulous meal with one of my favorite clients, only to look over and see another escort or sugar-darlin’ enjoying their evening and their date as much as I am.

All of my previous meals at Saison were at their old location, which was in the Mission, tucked away down a sort of garden/alley hybrid off Folsom St. In some ways it was a really nice set up (it was a pretty and felt like a neat little secret tucked so far back from the street without any kind of obvious signage) but there were some pitfalls to the location too: when it rained, the outdoor walkway to the dining room would flood sometimes and inevitably their would be some fruit flies or other small, winged insects from the garden causing some small distraction during dinner. This was my first experience since they moved locations last month and I was incredibly impressed.

I have always had an enjoyable time but I felt this meal really went above and beyond my past experiences here. Firstly, the space is really beautiful. There is a lot of dark, exposed wood with high ceilings and the dining room sort of surrounds a gorgeous open kitchen (our table was set up for us to sit side by side, able to look in at the chef and cooks doing their thing). A really thoughtful touch was the warm blanket provided at each table which Lay Lay made of good use warming her legs.

Before I get to the food, I want to take a moment to speak about the service. I know there are some people who expect a restaurant of this caliber and cost to be incredibly stiff and formal, and my server admitted that sometimes people are upset that everything isn’t done with a stiff upper lip, but for me, the staff here are one of my favorites of any multi-michelin starred spots I’ve been to. I don’t want to say that service is casual, because it isn’t, and they still do their jobs impeccably, but at Saison there is a genuine warmth and sense of humor that is all too often lacking in the front of the house at this type of place. I have always felt very well taken care of in every aspect. I often will split a wine pairing between two or three people and the sommelier/owner Mark Bright has always made sure the pours are more than adequate and the choices delicious. I always feel like a total douchebag having to take pictures before my dining companions can fuck up the presentation, and Mathew and the other servers I have had have always been gracious enough to patiently explain what the dish is comprised of while I scribble it down in my notebook without rolling their eyes.

For those of you that don’t know, it is a tasting menu of around 20 dishes, and you eat whatever is served that night. They will try to accommodate specific food allergies (such as my allergy to porcinis, however the weren’t able to accommodate my date’s inability to eat beef and still served us the main dish which included that protein… more for me!) but they can’t serve vegans, vegetarians or those who are lactose intolerant. I’m sure that is disappointing for those who can’t eat here because of their dietary needs or preferences, but I understand. Everything is so tasty, gorgeous and carefully curated and it would be very difficult to make all sorts of last minute changes for one person and quite possible have the overall integrity and taste suffer. Since the staff puts SO much care into making everything perfect, it makes sense to me why they are unable to serve people who are very picky or have certain dietary needs. The menu, overall, was excellent. The dishes that really stood out for me were the sea robin cru, the black cod, duck liver toffee, brassicas and beef, as well as the final course, a delicious pastry. A few things fell short of the mark, like the tea course and they gave me a lemon brioche to take home for breakfast that was not very palatable, but they did a very nice job with pretty much everything.

While I have a good sense of food and a fairly refined palate (at least for someone with little professional experience in the restaurant industry), I am a total noob when it comes to wine and have only just begun my education regarding the subject. Because of this I can’t tell you much about that aspect of the dinner other than that every pairing  was absolutely delicious (an impressive feat when serving someone as picky as me) and that I know several people with a much more advanced knowledge than I have been just as happy. As for the food, the menu had a really nice ‘cadence’ to it, progressing very nicely with nearly every dish as delightful or more so than than the one before it. The dishes were also quite memorable on their own.

1. & 2. We started off the meal with a small glass of citrus and rhubarb soda, rimmed with grapefruit zest , sugar and edible flowers. Unfortunately I forgot to take a photo of this but take my word for it, it was really gorgeous, perfectly fresh, tangy and sweet at once. Excellently balanced and a great way to open  up the tastebuds for the meal in store. The other dish I didn’t snag a photo of was the first solid one. It was an incredibly silky, warm mushroom custard with truffled and gold flaking. This was the first of many dishes that I had to eat with my eyes closed while murmuring audible noises of pleasure.

3.The next dish was even more incredible. A spoonful of incredibly fresh, velvety sea urchin aloft some kind of pumpkin puree. On top of the urchin was caviar with a lovely, smokey flavor to it and some kind of  clear, golden hued ‘crisp’ that I believe the server said was made of chicken stock.

4. At this point we entered the “cru” section of the menu. The first dish was a live sea scallop with celeriac, asian pear, smoked creme fraiche and citrus.  Again, incredibly fresh.

5. Sea Robin “kissed” with hot coal, herring bone vinegar, jelly and combu and the special ingredient, a small but intensely flavorful piece of crisped bull kelp with herring roe attached from when the fish lay their eggs on it in the ocean. I had never had this ingredient before and our server told us that this is very difficult to get because it is such a delicacy in parts of Asia that it is most often all sent there. This was probably my favorite of the cru dishes. The combination of the buttery fish with the flavor of the sear from the coal and just the perfect amount of bright acidity, topped with the delightful salty, crunchy, amazing kelp was unbelievably good.

6. Potato crisp with trout roe. I remembered this from my previous meals here. Again, very enjoyable. The crisp is light and airy with a pleasant starchy taste and slightly (but appealingly) oily mouthfeel that paired well with the salty, freshness of the roe as they popped in my mouth. Loved it!

7. This was my least favorite  of the fish courses. We each got a little cup made of Kendi blufin tuna ham and tuna gel dried over embers. This dish was fine, but it wasn’t anything incredible that I will crave later. Tasty but not something I’d make an altar for, unlike some of the other dishes here. LayLay really liked this since she doesn’t eat beef or pork and found it a delightfully similar to crispy regular ham without breaking her dietary rules.

8. The end of the cru: abalone over embers with coastal lettuce and artichoke koshikari rice made with the liver of the abalone. Like the previous dish, this was good, but probably isn’t something I’ll have a great hankering for in the middle of the night. I usually prefer the cartilage like crunch of raw abalone, but this was probably the best cooked version of the shellfish I’ve had yet. It was really tender in a porridge of rice with a few greens, but I just didn’t get that into the porridgy part.

9. I am not a huge veggie person, but the vegetable crudite here has always been as close to perfect as can be for just raw greens and a bit of salty anchovy and deliciously bright vinaigrette. Fresh, crunchy and so simple. I definitely feel like I understand where they were going with this one. I wish all veggie dishes were as good as this one.

10. pain au lait and homemade butter. This is the best bread I have ever eaten. Never has a roll been so fluffy, moist, warm and soft before, holy shit they are good!

11. Brassicas. As I said before, I am not much of a straight up veggies person, especially when it comes to leafy greens, however, I LOVE this dish, even more so than previously eaten veggies of the evening. I believe it is always on the menu. It is different leafy plants from the mustard family taken and dried over the fire, then served with popped rice and dried grains along with a quail egg and seaweed bouillon.

12. Black cod with grilled fishbone ‘soup’ with kaffir lime, coconut and crispy plantain chips dusted with red curry. For me this was one of the most memorable dishes of the evening. Again, the fish was perfectly cooked, flaky and sweet with an excellent mixture of spices and seasonings. Also, the plate it was served on was just incredible. I had heard that Saison ordered  a bunch of really fancy, new plateware for the new space and its true that they are gorgeous. This plate was a large and white and round with hundreds of holes drilled through the outer portion by hand after it was fired. Really beautiful. Definitely my favorite presentation.

13. Savory toffee and duck liver mousse with layers of milk, bread and beer. FUUUUUCCCCKKKK. This was good. I know it isn’t quite foie gras (for those of you that don’t know, California instituted a ban on selling or serving that most delicious of delicious things…the ban was supported by various people and organizations that think the making of foie gras is animal cruelty. I don’t agree and have no problem with the traditional way foie is made, but even if you do think its barbaric, it is not possible to buy cruelty free foie gras. To find out more information, google “NPR, This American Life Poultry Slam 2011″ which will bring up the radio show where I first learned about Edward Sousa, a Spanish man raising poultry for foie gras without any kind of tube feeding where the ducks choose when, what and how they eat and sound like they have the best little ducky lives a waterfowl could have), but its a damn close second. The toffee flavor is rich and just a tad bit sweet without being over powering and it all just goes amazingly well together. It was paired with a delightful beer as well. Very impressive!

14. Forgive me as I might have this written down wrong but “poulet and aged game pigeon in savoy cabbage wood grilled turnip with truffles and maple forth with fruit de bric. This was fine. As I’ve said, everything was good, but this didn’t really shine for me and both my date and I didn’t like the turnips.

15. “Sylvia’s Beef with beets tartivo, juniper berries and sauce of honey.” This was incredible. I don’t generally have strong feelings about cow flesh one way or the other and my date doesn’t eat beef at all and I devoured this ravenously. It was so tender, with the most flavorful crescent of fat along the outside. The beef was both salty and sweet from the honey sauce in just the right amounts each with an incredible tart acidity from the juniper berries and a wonderful earthiness from the beets. One of my favorite dishes of the evening, out of many amazing things.

16. Warm Robiola cheese (cow and sheep’s milk) with parsnip milk and almond brittle. I don’t know what the beautiful egg yolk like thing on top was… it might very well have been egg yolk but maybe not? I think it was maybe yolk that had been sousvide at 64 degrees until its all silken custard. It has been a few days since I had this and it isn’t quite as clear in my mind as some of the other things I ate. I did really enjoy this but it wasn’t quite as memorable as, say, the sea robin or the beef.

17.Mellow Gold sorbet(a hybrid between pomelo and grapefruit) with shamrock orsealis and crisp meringue. A very tasty palate cleanser/pre dessert. I found this to be lovely. Again, very well balanced in both flavor and texture. Sweet, tart and just a hint of bitterness from the citrus (from the rind maybe?) with the cold, melting sorbet against the light, airy crunch of meringue. I also liked the edible flowers. I used to eat tons of sour grass as a kid (I don’t want to think about how many dogs probably lifted their legs on each patch of sour grass I picked flowers from for snacks in elementary school… I’m ok with various waterspouts, but the thought of the combination of the plants marinating in many days/dogs worth of pee before I would skip down the street idly munching away on the crunchy, green stalks topped with their easily bruised yellow flowers and  the whole interspecies factor really tickles my gag reflex)and this is the first time I’ve seen it used in a restaurant, which was pretty neat.

18. Pine Nut Souffle with Pine Nut Gelato. I don’t really enjoy the taste of pine nuts in sweet dishes, and for me their was just a hint of unpleasantness in the way the  flavor of the pine nuts and the egg-i-ness combined. That being said, the texture of this soufflé was one of the greater pleasures I’ve had in my lifetime experience as a sweet tooth. The chef could have flavored this with bell pepper and I would have still loved it, that is how amazing the texture was. Lighter than air, with a little of some of the qualities of a soft meringue but somehow so much better. I liked the flavor of the pine nut gelato better because it didn’t have the aforementioned egginess sullying its taste. I very much hope to try more soufflés from this chef in the future.

19. Buckwheat Fire Roasted Tea with Kiwi, Rum Raisin Macaroon and a Milk-Honey-Tea Truffle. This is the only dish I would rather they have not served or done differently. The Truffle was decent. Its filling was completely liquid, which I really enjoy (you’ll hear me rave about the different palate cleansers like this at Atelier Crenn, like the one where she makes a delightful interpretation of a kir royale … sorry, I know I must be spelling that wrong…a white chocolate and cocoa butter shell, almost paper thing, encasing liquid apple cider and topped with a sort of cassis jelly; you can’t touch the shell, lest it melt and make a mess down the front of your shirt, instead having to bring the small stand it is served on all the way up to your face and pop it into your mouth gently) and, unlike most truffles, it wasn’t disgustingly sweet or overpoweringly rich. Everything else I could have done without. A slice of kiwi…not that I am hating on kiwi , which I am actually quite fond of, but it just didn’t go with the rest of the meal in my mind, in any way. Worse was the macaroon, which I actually thought was pretty gross. It was supposed to be rum raisin but it tasted more like a oatmeal snicker doodle and I had to choke it down with my tea, which wasn’t really good or bad one way or the other. This course just really lost me and did not at all fit in I thought.

20. I always forget to write down the name of this thing but it is a pastry that is always the last course at Saison and it is one of the purest pleasures of my life. I dream about this sweet, moist, custardy slightly caramelized cake frequently. I know it looks like it is covered in chocolate, but it isn’t. I don’t really know what the deal is, but I think it is just kind of caramelized and I think it probably has something to do with milk,but don’t quote me on that. It is nothing short of being one of the best pastries of my life. Apparently they are kind of difficult to get right which is a shame because I would make these every fucking day.

Overall, I was really impressed. It was by far my favorite meal at this restaurant and I have heard similar things from others with trustworthy opinions who favorably compared the experience at the new space to the old one. On the same night I ate here (and again the next night at Atelier Crenn) a really delightful Venezuelan couple with a food blog who were visiting SF on an eating trip was trying Saison out. We spoke for a good while and were lovely, interesting folks. Their blog is http://www.gourmandj.com. They live in Miami but frequently travel elsewhere to eat and write about their experiences.

Anything else you should know? Yes. If you go eat here on a game day (it is close to the baseball stadium) parking can be a bit difficult and every single garage I found closed at 7pm (shortly after the game ends). I don’t know if it is normally like this, but on a game day, it was a bit of pain so plan accordingly because Saison does not have valet.