I am very lucky. I am fortunate to have a wonderful clientele, made up of folks from many different walks of life, but who are largely caring, interesting, delightful and courteous people. Occasionally there are little snafus or other issues, mostly from a lack of information (especially if it is a person’s first time seeing a lady in this capacity) and I wanted to write a post on how to keep your sex worker happy and in return have a more relaxed session with an escort who is genuinely stoked to be there and excited to have you as a client. Because of my background in pin-up photography and alt porn, the extremeness of my already unique look (as far as this biz goes anyways) as well as my very wordy, verbose ad (which is probably a little too long but does give a VERY good idea of the person I am and what you are getting) I attract people who are REALLY looking for a girl like me, physically, intellectually and emotionally. These things tend to ensure a higher percentage of my clients are people who I will be well matched with, but even so, sometimes there is a blunder that can sour the mood of the session or otherwise make me nervous and while I always try to be incredibly professional, if I feel safe and that the company is fun and interesting, I will really put in that extra effort. I also have the unique experience of being on the other side of the fence, as I have booked sessions with escorts myself as a couple with my partner. While different areas have different customs, and many of these tips are common sense for hiring a working girl anywhere in the US, this list applies specifically to California’s population of mid to high-end escorts who advertise online.
1. Choosing your escort. There are many wonderful, beautiful women to choose from (especially in the Bay Area in my humble opinion) and it is easy to get overwhelmed and choose the first ad you see with pictures of a gorgeous woman. Before you start browsing the ads, I suggest thinking about what you are looking for specifically, both your physical preferences, intellectual or emotional expectations and any limitations you might have. Read the entire ad and see if her vibe agrees with you. Are you very intelligent and looking for a girl who can keep up? I specifically mention my academic accomplishments and goals because I seek to attract this type of client. Are you looking for specific physical traits? Many escort advertising sites have search filters so you can check off that you want a girl with black hair, a certain type of body or who’s rates fall within a certain price and your results will only turn up girls in those categories. Lots of my clients find me by simply using the word search and entering “tattoos”. The word search is also helpful to those with specific kinks looking for a girl who is down for that kind of play.
I suggest looking for independent escorts with ads that are correctly spelled and have had a bit of effort put into them: photos that are taken in the bathroom mirror of a cheap hotel, unflushed toilet in the background, with a blurry phone-cam are not the mark of women who takes pride in her professionalism. Getting quality professional photos done or having a simple website made for you doesn’t require a lot of cost or organizational skills but sooo may girls forego it. In my experience, those who have put a lot of time and effort into making sure they have excellent quality ads up are the girls who are more likely to love what they do and take pride in providing an excellent service.
Browse her reviews if she has them and see if they are largely positive (don’t discount a girl with otherwise great reviews because of one bad post though… if the negative words are statistical outliers, keep in mind the client might have behaved badly and thus not got the experience he desired).
2. Ok, I’ve found the girl I am interested in. Now what? This section is so important because it is the first impression you leave on her. It is also the longest in this post, so bear with meL this shit matters! Reread her ad. All of it.
Make sure you pay attention. Don’t ask her for a half hour session if the ad states she has a one hour minimum. Don’t ask for a same day appointment if she is pre-book only and don’t think you’ll be the exception to any of her rules. This type of inappropriate request is incredibly frustrating and we deal with it every day.
Take note of her donation rate. You may not be able to afford her at the moment and there is a classy way to deal with this and a shitty way to deal with this. If your funds are lacking at the moment send her a polite email saying how interested you are in seeing her and that while your finances are currently lacking, you are saving up to get this special treat for yourself and would like to go through her screening process so that when you get that paycheck you need, booking will be quick and painless. When someone is this polite and is obviously putting extra effort into setting an amount of money aside to see me that they normally wouldn’t spend, I am incredibly flattered. I have been known to occasionally add some extra time onto a session or even give a small discount to someone who I really enjoy seeing and for whom a session with me is a special treat that they can rarely afford, but this ONLY happens if you don’t ask for it. Don’t haggle or request any special deal (few things will get your message deleted faster than sending a girl with a $450/hour donation rate the following “I am a HOTTT 28 year old with a big cock and you will have the ride of your life . Can you see me for $200/hour?” or the even more offensive “you’re only worth $___ and really, you should be paying me because I’ll fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before.”It is so rude to haggle (you wouldn’t do this to a lawyer or personal trainer would you?) and it is best not to mention donations at all as this type of discussion can be incriminating and is a type of talk that should be avoided it at all costs. Similarly, do not mention specific sex acts for the same reasons concerning legality. Dirty talk and vulgar requests will likely result in the swift termination of your conversation, so don’t ask “Do you give bbbjs?” or “can I fuck you in the ass?”. Best case scenario is we think you are clueless or just rude… worse yet, we will think you are the police. Remember, as escorts we are selling you our time, companionship, massage and personal modeling services because hoing is illegal… any intimate contact that map happen is at the spontaneous decision of the consenting adults involved and is in no way contracted for, so treat your correspondence as such. You may have specific questions about fetishes or special requests. Depending on how you word things, this is usually ok. Just be careful about your phrasing please. Also, just like hobbyists, sex workers have our own message boards and we also share information among our friends. If you act like a douche either online or in person, or worse yet, do something that makes us feel threatened or unsafe, you may suddenly find it more difficult to book in the area with a specific set of girls.
Most ladies will have very specific instructions for what information they need from you at first contact. Many girls use the phone to book appointments, but most that I know personally prefer email. For a phone call, have all the necessary info available at your fingertips and call from an unblocked number. If you have to leave a message, please indicate if you don’t want her to call you back on this line, or if there are specific times when calling is or isn’t acceptable. For email, include ALL requested info in your first message. It is a waste of of my time and yours to keep going back and forth with one line emails, trying over and over to clarify that you won’t be seen until you provide all the info.
I am so thrilled when I can tell someone has really paid attention to my ad when they email me, and has included their preferred method of reference and all important associated info. I require either a provider reference or a p411.com account. For those unaware, a pro-ref is another escort you have seen recently (generally no longer than 3-6 months prior) who can vouch that their experience with you was safe and pleasant. I require your reference have reviews (this is to make sure that neither you nor the your reference is really Law Enforcement hiding behind the misty curtain of the internet waiting to cause me problems when I show up to our ‘rendezvous.’ I require you to include her name, contact info, a link to her ad and how she will remember you (your name, phone number, when and where she saw you and a brief physical description is usually ideal). In a perfect world you will have checked with your previous sex worker to make sure she gives references at all and if so, how she would like to be contacted. The other form of reference I take is an account with p411.com P411 is a wonderful site that is SSL encrypted (like a bank) to provide screening services for those seeking discreet, upscale, adult companionship. I have had some people be wary of using this method (citing worries of identity theft etc.) but I have a large percentage of my clients, including several very intelligent computer security and programming professionals, who have switched over to this service and love it, as do I. A P411 Client Id is made up of small bits of “real” info that can be verified, by looking at a couple of pieces of identification carried in the client’s wallet.
“John” is a name showing on his driver’s license.
“01″ is the DAY of birth showing on his driver’s license.
“0000″ are the last four digits on something he carries in his wallet (insurance card, library card, etc.)
This way, a girl can be shown that information at the meeting to ensure the client is the same person who contacted her. If anything awful happens, like physical or sexual violence, there is a professional, third-party service who has his personal information which is a strong deterrent for those who might not have the best intentions. In addition to this, once a client with a p411.com account has seen a girl, she can then go online and give him an “OK” which works just like a provider reference, except that it can be immediately verified, unlink a regular pro-ref which can take hours to days for a response. P411 is particularly helpful for those who don’t like to book their appointments until the day of.
Let her know a bit about yourself. Who are you ? what are you about? What are you looking for? Let me know if, for example, you are a single guy in your mid 40′s who lives in Brooklyn and works in the top shelf libations industry and that you would like to book a 3 hour dinner date appointment while you are in town for a barchef competition on ____ date at the ___ Hotel where you are staying.(on a small tangent: most escorts I know will only see clients at hotels that are of a certain caliber;for me its three stars at minimum) Knowing what to expect is really helpful and makes sure I am prepared. Let me know if you want me to wear a specific outfit or type of lingerie. Don’t want me to wear makeup or fragrance? Tell me! If we are having a dinner date, would you like me to make reservations and act as concierge, or do you prefer to take care of this? Let me know!
Most girls will get back to you fairly quickly, but some take a bit longer. I tend to check my email three or four times a week to deal with new clients. Those who have already passed my screening requirements gain access to my phone number and are then able to call to request appointments that they want to happen in a more urgent time frame.
3. So I’ve made contact, my appointment is set up, anything I should know? If you are dealing with me, if you have scheduled your appointment several days in advance I will either call or email you (depending on your preference) to confirm the day before or morning of our planned session. If you should need to cancel, please do so as soon as possible. Shit happens and sometimes we aren’t able to keep our appointments, regardless of what kind of service we are purchasing or providing, but like anyone else, I have a personal life. It is just as shitty to stand me up or cancel a half hour before our session as it would be for any other independent business person who could have scheduled a different client in your time slot or taken care of something else had you informed us the day before. If you want to book the girl again after you have cancelled at the last minute or, worse yet -stood her up-, it is a great idea to give her some kind of cancellation fee. Unlike restaurants who might take a credit card for a large party reservation and charge a percentage of the meal for a each person who rescinds on their plans at the last moment, this obviously isn’t something that can be enforced in our business without taking a deposit (which I only do for appointments that require significant travel or extended) If you are apologetic and hand over a quarter of what her total donation for the appointment would be she is much liklier to be understand and let you book her in the future.
Don’t brush or floss your teeth right before your appointment (this can cause tears in your gums and cause them to bleed which can increase your risk of picking up an STI or spreading one of your own). Brush the morning of your appointment, don’t eat anything heavily seasoned with garlic or onions and then thoroughly rinse your mouth out with mouthwash and pop a piece of gum so you are minty fresh without potentially compromising your safety or that of your sex worker. Do you manscape, mowing your pubic region down to a perfectly manicured ? If so, do it the day before. The last thing you want is a new nick on your junk before you get down and dirty with any new partner. If you have course facial hair and are clean-shaven, please shave your face if you plan on eaten’ some pussy, but understand that if you have nicked yourself that will make dining at the Y a no-no. If you are bad at shaving and think that this will be an issue, do it the day before instead when you are tending to your nether regions.
Take a thorough shower shortly before your appointment. I encourage you to really pay attention to the cleansing of your balls and b-hole. Use a washcloth. Most men remember to clean the most obvious part of their private anatomy, but it is an unpleasant surprise to discover there hasn’t been appropriate attention paid to the backside and I guarantee you that the oral attention you receive will be given with a vastly higher degree of spirit and enthusiasm if your girl isn’t catching whiffs of the shit you took earlier.
If you and your sex worker are going on a dinner date and it is at the kind of restaurant where there is a set tasting menu and no other options, check with her regarding food allergies so you can let the restaurant know in advance. I am very fond of fine dining and have made a point to mention this in my ad. Because of this, I get taken to a lot of great restaurants of this type because the client knows I am comfortable in this setting and will not embarrass them. Making sure your sex worker will feel comfortable or has experience with the kind of event or place will ensure you have a good experience. When I’ve had a client check about my allergies, it really is a level of courtesy I take note of.
4. My appointment is in a few hours. Anything I should take care of? Yes! Glad you asked. Make sure your hotel or apartment is clean. Put your donation in an unsealed envelope (ideally in large, easy to count bills) on the coffee table or other easily viewable area. When she arrives, excuse yourself from the room for a few moments so she has time to check the amount. If your reference was a p411 account, show her the information that makes up your site handle.
5. The actual appointment. Even if you aren’t meeting up for a public drink or a dinner date before heading to your more private rendezvous, it goes a long way to sit down with for a few minutes of getting to know one another with a beverage (I would suggest asking her if she drinks alcohol if that is what you plan to serve and if not, make sure you have something she will enjoy; ALWAYS open the bottle in front of her because any smart hooker will not take a drink she hasn’t seen being poured or made in order to avoid being roofied, etc.). Spending a few moments just enjoying some small talk will put you both at ease. I know it can be nerve-racking to have a beautiful, unfamiliar women in your space, particularly with the anticipation of what’s to come, but take a deep breath and relax. As long as you are polite and kind and have taken care to follow any instructions on her ad, you should be fine. Now is a good time to tell her if you have specific fantasies you are interested in or fond of something you weren’t able to discuss during your phone call or in emails.
Remember: an escort is being compensated with a donation for her time, personal modeling services, massage etc and intimate contact is something that happens between consenting adults, and is NOT contracted for. Because that would be illegal, ya know.
Don’t try to negotiate for services she doesn’t offer. Even if a review says she offers a bare back blow job, this might not be true. Some girls offer uncovered blow jobs, other don’t. Some girls do anal, other’s won’t etc. NEVER ask for bare back full service or anal. Any sex worker who has even the slightest bit of self-respect and professionalism will be horrified and leave. I don’t want clients that aren’t concerned with their own safety or mine. If a girl is willing to provide uncovered full service or anal, run for the hills. Think of how many others she may have offered this service to before you. Most sex workers I know practice significantly safer sex in their professional and personal lives than almost any ‘civilian’. Please let your sex worker know if you have an STI so she can decide whether she is comfortable seeing you, if appropriate steps can me made to practice safe sex without risk of transmission or if she needs to reschedule (like if you have a cold sore in your mouth etc.). Be honest. No good sex worker will shame you about this and will probably give you a lot of props for your honesty and commitment to practicing safer sex.
Most girls will bring their own condoms in many sizes and styles so she will probably have something you are comfortable with, but if you have very specific allergies please let your sex worker know. If you NEED a certain kind of condom, tell her, or have your brand available at the session in a sealed box.
Give your sex worker feedback. She wants you to have the best experience possible so you will book with her again! Tell her if you prefer a different speed, pressure, position etc.
Have fun! I hope these tips will ensure that you and your sex worker have a wonderful time together. If she has provided above and beyond service, a tip goes a long way. I remember those who have tipped in ANY service industry I’ve worked in. Even if it only an extra $20, the thought counts a lot.